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Volume 30: New Beginnings

Turning 30 is akin to turning on a light switch. It is at this very point when I realized my life had taken a shift. Life had already been shifting for me, some changes more drastic than others. Needless to say, I recognized the changes far before 2.8.18. Let’s rewind back to three years ago when I thought God was speaking words of settling upon my life. I interpreted those words to manifest blessings upon blessings. It hadn’t dawned on me that the settling process would involve the lost of love, a job, friends, family and inevitably, a dark hole. With a broken heart and spirit, I thought for sure I didn’t have much else I could possibly lose. I was being seperated from everything I thought I needed, loved, and worked so hard to maintain. I

wanted to scream “NOT YET THRITY, I’M NOT READY!” Have you ever felt that with a certain age comes certain accomplishments and benchmarks? This was the way my mind worked. So according to my 2017 calendar, ya girl was far behind. As 2018 rolls around and my 30th draws nearer ,I made the decision to take life literally one day at a time. Now don’t get me wrong, even though I felt like everything was falling down around me giving up was never a choice. There has always been something inside of me that knows I’m capable of creating greatness. Although I’m constantly thinking and trying to plan my life, I knew that this time something needed to be different. I needed HELP! I wanted to remove my voice, open my heart and spirit, listen, and start cultivating what God had planned for me. I I said to God, “ This year I will fully trust you to order my steps..” Seeing all of my efforts fail let me know that God needed my attention elsewhere. I started my prayer journey a few days before the new year. Eight is the number of new beginnings.I put my trust in God that new beginnings would start to manifest from the 1st of the year and so forth.

Guess what though, “We Plan, God Laughs”. That’s an old Yiddish proverb that describes precisely why my change on January 1st didn't come. Day eight and I’m like,ok Savior, what’s Good? I’m trusting you and life still feels the same. Day 18, produces yet another setback. I missed my test by a few points. My God, this was not what we planned! A few hours and tears later, I came to my senses and double-downed on my trust in God. The bible says, “God only needs a moment”. On the 20th day something changed. It may have already began but I just couldn’t see past what I thought a shift should look like. The shift was subtle. God began with my heart, my brokenness, and me being anxious. It was a calmness and understanding. I felt unexplainably different.I begin to remove my expectations and insecurities.. I know who I am. And although others may not see me as I see myself, I have to trust who and what God made me to be. It’s that 30th light bulb moment I was telling you about earlier.

Eight days before my birthday, I was led to Romans 8:30 NLT. I kept hearing set apart. This got to be somewhere in the bible. I was trying to understand, why I had lost things, or felt far away from those I loved, and at times why I didn’t feel accepted. In this chapter,at this verse, God gave me the understanding I was searching for:

And so those whom God set apart, he called; and those he called, he put right with himself, and shared his glory with.

The number 8 has been so significant to me. I was born on the 8th of February and this year I turned 30. ROMANS 8:30. I was amazed, because right when you feel confused or lost, God comes with understanding and wisdom. It’s like the voice of a father who comforts and teaches. The month of January God had given me small pieces of what path I should take, but he knew I would take it with insecurities and fear of what others thought. He knew that if my heart wasn’t healed I could not be healing to others. We all are familiar with the phrase “Hurt people, hurt people.” The things I lost and shed were preparing me for the blessings ahead. Was I prepared to trust and follow him? I had to be pulled away from those things I thought I was, and loved, and take a seat under him. The scripture made more sense and connected me to my past journey.

I know my purpose on this earth is not only dressing fly, but also helping others through my relationship with God.I often struggle because I’m not the cookie cutter mold of what a Woman of God should be. I know I have a lot of growing still ahead of me.I also know my heart and anyone who knows me, knows of my love for God..I have truly been this way since birth. What is amazing is that we are all set apart for some purpose through God, the key is seeking him in order for him to direct our path. I now laugh at the material things that I needed to to solidify me turning 30. While I am still on this journey to achieving my goals in order to have certain material things, God has given me way more than I could imagine this birthday. He gave me true meaning!

VOLUME 30, represent true self intimacy, vulnerability, and liberation. It is a significant point in my life where, I realized that God isn't stagnant. He is forever evolving, and so should we. He empowers us to do the unthinkable, and he cares for us dearly. I dropped my insecurities, I’m facing my self doubts, and deciding to follow my purpose, whatever it may be, free of judgement. Volume 30 IS FREEDOM.

Love,

H. Styled

P.S. I’m vowing this year to keep Volume 30 going, so keep a look-out for post, prayers, fashion and more!

Chicago, IL, USA

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